Finding Gratitude in Challenging Times (without spiritual bypassing…)
With an entire holiday named Thanksgiving, the gratitude thing can feel like a lot of pressure at a busy time of year! If being grateful seems like a moral imperative that has you questioning if you measure up, I invite you to let yourself off the hook now. Shoving feelings beneath the surface and pasting on a fake smile when your heart isn’t in it leaves you feeling like an overstuffed Thanksgiving turkey. And those suckers have a way of exploding. The spiritual teacher Ram Dass once said, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” Nothing triggers our habitual reactivity like family. Who better to push our buttons than the very people who installed them?
Even when surrounded by those we love dearest, forcing gratitude in the midst of emotional turmoil fools no one and is a form of spiritual bypassing. I’m not at all suggesting that we use the holidays as an opportunity to air our grievances. But, finding support such as intuitive life coaching or reiki healing can keep us from using food and booze as a coping strategy.
Here are a few suggestions that have been helpful for me.
#1- Give yourself permission to feel and process your feelings before you visit with friends and family. Set aside time to sit and reflect, meditate or journal, talk to someone you trust to acknowledge the emotions that are present.
#2- Create a healthy boundary ahead of time. Get realistic about how much time you’ll spend at a gathering, who you’ll invite, and how much energy you really have. Remember you are responsible for creating the experience you want to be having.
#3- Let go of controlling outcomes! Be honest… are you secretly hoping that mom acknowledges your beauty, a jealous sibling thanks you for being the greatest sister ever, and dad congratulates you on your brilliance? It’s SO natural to bring our unconscious agendas to our gatherings. Maybe this year it ALL will be different?? Let go of steering, managing and controlling and shift to APPRECIATION!
Find one small thing to appreciate in the moment…. An aunt who gives you a knowing look of support, the taste of a treasured family recipe, that your children are safe and happy. Our best game face usually fools no one so I’ll make a plug for authenticity. Appreciation shifts our energy and our body language. It opens us up for connection and new possibilities.
Appreciate that everyone is having a process, everyone has their own struggles, everyone is truly doing the best they can. Breath into appreciation, feel the body let go, and see if gratitude arises without an ounce of extra effort.
From a spark of gratitude, peace, joy and connection are available. I love this quick video from Brene Brown on joy and gratitude.